I was just watching the telly and Cilit Bang came on. That’s not a typo – I wasn’t watching an adult entertainment channel! I was actually watching Loose Women. It’s my guilty pleasure, along with hanging around my doctor’s surgery just so I can read about Posh’s pimple and celebrity varicose veins. I digress. Who has told Barry Scott not to shout anymore? Cilit Bang is not the same without a shouty Barry Scott bellowing ‘BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE’. I am in mourning.
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Yes the sad demise of Barry the Bang. Even though some pimply art director with no sense of pathos has banned the shouty Barry, his social and personal life is still going with a BANG !. Shouts of GET YOUR KNICKERS OFF and LEEEEETS BANG have been heard from neighbours house during the afternoons and worried housewives all over the southern counties are locking their doors, they have begun to realise that Barrys well known catchphrase is in fact an anagram of GO SATAN THE GRIND BODING !!!!!!!!!!
It may not surprise you to learn that the advertising outfit responsible for the cilit bang adverts is also responsible (under another monica) for producing a number of retro soft porn titles including ‘Hallo Miss, I’ve come to tile your bathroom and I heard your washing machine is broken”. Their ‘stable’ of talent includes a number of distinguished actors who appear mainly in porn but supplement their income appearing in a range of specialist household-product themed shouty adverts for television. Under the watchful epiglottis of their vocal coach Sven “shouty” Nerb they have brought us giants of the industry such as “Safestyle Windows” starring porn god Dwight “I say you buy one you get one free” Entwistle and the unforgettable “Calgon” with Clive “The Horse” Handjobb where he showcased his signature mouth acting technique of speaking out of only one side of his mouth with his teeth clenched (you’ll understand this better when you see the adult uncut edition of the advert). So fear not, Barry is alive well and banging regularly on the top shelf of any adult store near you!!
Dear DIY Dave, I am going to Amsterdam this Christmas so will look out for Barry Scott in the sex supermarket. I imagine his pantheon of celluloid hotties will be in the dirty teenage nymphettes section with titles like ‘Chicks with crusty gussets’ and ‘Barry Boom Banga Bang’.’