Oh my God, I’ve made it. I’ve been on the telly. On the local news! I was going the wrong way down a one way street when a man jumped out at me with one of those furry, king-size sausages. I believe they’re called a boom. He said he was from the BBC and wanted to talk about cycle lanes. Why, oh why didn’t I have puppies or at least daffodils in my whicker basket? This would distract viewers from my double chin and/or dragged through a bush backwards hair in the event of an unfortunate camera angle. Anyway, I banged on for a bit about the intermittency of the lanes and how it’s easy to get confused as to where you’re supposed to be going, and that was that. So, I’ve had my 30 seconds of fame. What else is there to live for now?