..go to a classical concert. I did last night. Some Slav geezer with a twitch was going great gusto on the old ivories. How refreshing; how uplifting, thought I as Vlad blazed a trail through Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto No. 1. Apparently though, the audience was in the grips of TB because whenever the orchestra paused for air, everyone erupted into consumptive seizures. At one point, it seemed the stalls were battling to out-cough the circle. I wish I’d had a gun to put them all out of their misery.