My next dilemma is whether to get a dog or a pig – not for Christmas – for life. A dog is furry but it does not have the comedy value of a pig. A pig however, would not be so nice to cuddle and might try to eat me if I inadvertently tripped over and had a funny turn in the kitchen. However, in the event of it rolling in something pungent, I would be able to wack it in the bath and towel dry it comparatively easy. I would not need to employ a hair dryer or special metallic implements to tackle tag-nuts and the like as I would with a canine. And what about pig poo? Does it come out curly-wurly? Do pigs go on heat? And will they dry-hump Aunty Bea’s plaster-case Venus De Milo? A pig could be for this Christmas but come next, it might be sausages. Watch this space!�