Oh God, it’s only the 7th of December and already the world has gone Christmas-crazy. I’ve already received four cards, two presents and have sung my first Christmas song (the one about being good or Santa will poo down your chimney – or words to that effect). I now have the annual struggle of conscience. Do I go out and buy rubbish gifts for people who will almost certainly put them in the loft with all their other rubbish gifts – or do I buy a donkey for someone who couldn’t care less it’s Christmas but will be jolly pleased he/she won’t have to carry large faggots (that’s big bunches of wood, not homosexuals) on their backs over rocky terrain, while wearing highly impractical plastic sandals, in order to boil the kettle for a cup of tea? Now’s there a dilemma.
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up here in t’ Midlands it’s been Christmas Craazeeee since mid August December is the time for soft sell as beggers topped out in Santa hats threaten physical violence or at least verbal abuse if you do’nt make a contribution to their White Lightning fund. The Chav’e estates are awash with garish lights purchased BOGOF from QVC last January. The thrilling concoction of Santas in hot air baloons and Reindeers swinging from ladders have been ‘dobbed’ into a convenient streetlight and are the major contributor to global warming this time of year
I love Christmas