I love the God Squad when they come a-knocking pedalling conversion. Them: (one small and a bit Oriental, the other, big lady in sad cardigan) ‘We were wondering if we could interest you in  (manky comic with rainbow and assorted farm animals on front) a message from Jesus.’ Me: ‘Sorry, I don’t do God’ (in style of the really rather sexy Alastair Campbell). As I’m rebuffing them, another junkster arrives pedalling local listing rag. Me: (casting the God Squad to one side) ‘Thank you, I’m more interested in this man’s wares actually.’ God Squad leaves in tears. Ha! I’m thinking of doing a Most Hated list of unsolicited visitors. My favourite is the rehabilitated youth offender who launched himself into an extremely gobbled rags to dusters story before flashing his big basket of kitchen tat and seducing me into buying a duster for £5.50. Bugger!